Nate Nate

That is the nick name that has plagued this kid for years. It started in pre-school and has stuck with him. He hates it. He would much rather be just plain Nate. He is 8 years old and in a constant state of thinking that he is histerical! In reality he is silly and I hope that it ends very quickly! He thinks farts and burps are the funniest things ever...and yes, I know that he will always think that it is funny. Right now though....he is killing me!
Nate is a super sweet kid with an even sweeter soul. He is sensitive and loving. He is probably my most tender kid. He gets upset easily...especially if someone he cares about is hurting. His brother and sister think he is a punching bag...I know that someday he is going to kick the shit out of them...I can't wait until he has the confidence to do it! He is also like a bulldog...he never lets anything go. If there is something on his mind...he can't rest until it is done. It drives me a little nuts sometimes...but he gets it from me...so I try to be understanding.
Nate is a trip. He can say and do some pretty crazy things. He can certainly find his way into trouble...but in most cases trouble finds him pretty easily. He has been our kid that has seen the emergency room the most. He can bust open anything...just by walking. I am hoping that with maturity will also come some coordination. He also thinks that he can do just about anything....like be a hair stylist and cut his baby sister's hair. Let's just say that he can't do that....and he now knows that. He must think that he is a tattoo artist as well...there have been many times that he has self decorated with permanent marker. One time he drew a pair of glasses on his face....in black....they stayed on quite awhile. Pretty sure that they didn't help him see better...but so entertained his pre-school class for a few days.
Nate is also a kid that likes to learn things from grownups. School...he does well but he doesn't love it. Learning hands on...he loves that. For a quick example...Nate will try anything that Chris tells him. I forgot to add that Nate also has a farting problem...the things that come out of his behind are lethal. That being said...Nate farts where ever we go. This can get pretty embarassing since they smell so terrible. One day Chris had enough and decided to teach Nate the art of farting in public. Nate of course was eager to learn...so off they went to Home Depot. Chris told Nate that when in public he needed to use the "drop and walk" method. Never stay with it...do it on the move. I am not sure if they practiced or anything...but Nate seemed to get it. Anyway...at the check out, Nate decided to try out what he had just learned...and kinda forgot to tell Daddy. So...just as he was told...he dropped a big one and kept on walking. Bad thing was he dropped it right next to Chris...who was checking out and had NO where to go. Therefore leading the cashier to think that Chris just dropped the worst fart ever. Nate did just as he was told...I guess that Chris forgot to tell him that you never leave a man behind.
Nate will make a good husband and father someday...that I am sure of that. He cares a lot. Sometimes too much and that sets him up for disappointments. We have had to work on getting tougher...I am sure he will find the balance someday. Until then...he has the power of his fart to ward off trouble...and I guess that is some pretty good ammo.

The Princess

If you didn't know...I never intended to have 4 kids...shit, I never intended on having 3. You could say that Jake was our "oopsie" and Josie was our "to have got to be f@#*ing kidding me"! But here she is....and I am not sure that our family would be the same without her. She is a handful!! The last one always is...right? When she was a baby I thought she was going to be my one kid that was going to be a total breeze. She slept through the night at 2 months...she hardly ever cried and even ate anything you fed her. That was all a giant trick....big joke on me. Honestly, she could be the hardest one so far.
Josie thinks that the world revolves around her. We all simply exist to tend to her every need and want. You ask why she gets away with this?? I didn't say that she did....but she certainly thinks that she should. It's a work in progress with her. She is a princess and princesses are hard to change. JoJo is funny too. She has her own sense of style. Most days she resembles an Atlantic City Hooker with the outfits she wears. She likes bikini tops and leggings. She also loves lots of blue eye shadow and hot pink blush. I try not to discourage the look...I want her to be able to express herself. I also want some great ammo for later in her life. You never know when you will need to pull out that embarssing picture. And with her...I got an ass pot of them!
Sometimes I think that Josie must be older than 4 years old. She acts like a teenager half the time. She can give you one hell of a stink eye if you piss her off. It amazes me that someone so little can have so much attitude. I have no idea where she gets it?!?! Chris would probably tell you it has something to do with me and our older daughter Sarah Grace. I think it comes from watching too much T.V. I am sticking with that....I will blame Dora the Explorer for anything!
JoJo entertains us also. She can come up with some pretty creative words. She calls a pineapple...pinealope. She calls a sneeze a bless you. But our favorite is that she calls her "private parts" her Do-La-La. We think it is rather sophisticated and a little french. It has caught on in the house.....the boys have wee-wees and us girls get the Do-La-Las. When you read this....it will help if you put a little french accent on it....it makes it very catchy.
I think back to the time when Josie felt like such a shock....and now I would be shocked if she wasn't part of this family. As big of a handful as she is, she is the sweetest little girl. She loves her family, loves to dress up, loves to dance and loves to make you smile. She is my baby and always will be. I am trying to remember to treat her like the big girl that she is now....but it is hard. She still sucks her thumb for pete's sake. But she promises that she will stop when she turns 5. Part of me hope she never stops....it lets her be the baby just a little longer.

Jake Thomas

So I have introduced my dog....now the kids. I am going to start with my 3rd born...Jake Thomas. He is 6 years old and in the 1st grade. He is my BOY! He is active....always getting into something and can lose focus in milisecond. This kids can find something shiny where ever we go. If you ask Jake to go get you his shoes...it will take at least 3 trips to the mud room for him to actually get them. He is side tracked easily to say the least. The only place that he keeps complete focus is on the soccer field! He is a machine!!! He is all about the ball and scoring goals. He is going to be good someday...you can see it.
The reason I chose to start with Jake is because he was the one that I posted about today. I actually post about Jake a lot. Jake is notorious for doing things that no other kid does. It comes naturally for him....not sure that is a good thing. Jake and his lack of clothing issues have always made for good posts as well. The kids does not like underwear. I have had notes home from school asking me to make sure he wears it....he has also come home with his underwear in his pocket. He didn't like the way it felt. This is probably because he usually has it on backwards. I can imagine that it feels pretty bad. At one of his parent/teacher meetings in Kindergarten the best thing that she had to say about Jake was not that he was a great student...or way smart....but that she was THRILLED that he was keeping his underwear on. That was it! I kept asking if she had anything else...but nope...all about the undies. This is Jake though and all and all I was pretty glad that he was keeping it on too.
Now Jake is very into things that he thinks are hilarious....like poop and farts. Today he had an assignment for science that had him do a scavenger hunt for solid materials in his house. He had to look for something that could float and something that could sink. Just guess what his answer was...POOP! He also wanted to make sure that his teacher knew that you could use poop for both answers because you never know what kind of poop is going to come out. This is true. There was a part of me that really wanted him to change his answers....but I know Jake, and this was the best answer we were going to get. He was confident in it...I wanted him to feel good about doing it all by himself. So tomorrow he will go to school with the answer of poop on his homework paper.
I will also say that Jake taking in homework with poop answers will probably not even phase his teachers. Last year Jake proved to me that you can not say anything to him because he will repeat it. For example...one day I was fussing at my 10 yr old daughter on the way to school. When they got out of the car, Jake went in and told his teacher that my yelling was making him very sad. When he came home that day he shared with me that he said this to his teacher. Well..I wasn't too thrilled about him saying that so...in joking....I said to him that he should tell his teacher that his Mommy was PMSing and that is why she was yelling. As you can guess...Jake went in the next day and told his teacher what I had said EXCEPT he left off the P and told his teacher that the reason that I yelled was because I have MS. She wrote me a very nice letter that day and offered to help me with whatever I might need and said she of course knew why I might get upset...I mean hell...I have MS right!! It was hilarious and so embarrssing at the same time. I wrote her back explaining that Jake meant to say PMS...we both got a laugh and Jake certainly made a name for himself with her.
This is Jake -Trouble...funny....smart....athletic....trouble.....adorable and mine. We love him and he totally entertains us. You are going to love him...I guarantee it!

Baxter aka the Worst Dog Ever!

Baxter is our 11 month old Labradoodle puppy. I would say that he reminds me of the dog from Marley and Me...but truth is he is worse. My neighbors will attest to that as well....and probably everyone that has ever read my facebook page. This dog has done nothing but cause my hair to fall out since the day that we brought him home. You know at first it was just the normal puppy things that drove me crazy....going to the bathroom on the floor, wimpering all the time, keeping me up all night. I had forgotten what it was like to have a baby....and I didn't want another baby! Chris got fixed so that would never happen again...yet a puppy is so much like a baby. It really made me nuts. But we got through that....little did I know how incredibly terrible this dog would be. Now let me give Baxter a few props before I totally tear him to pieces. Baxter has a super sweet personality. He thinks he is tiny and craves attention. He has been great with the kids...never aggressive. I think that he might be smarter than he lets on. I think he plays the dumb card in order to get away with half the shit that he does.

Baxter's terror started with simple things....he would tear up papers...get in the trash. He would get his ass beat and the day would go on. Then he started to grow. Things in my house started to get destroyed. Oh and let me say...we just built this house about 9 months ago, so everything is pretty new. Baxter has ripped down all the blinds in the front of my house....he jumps up to see the kids outside...gets in his big ole paws and head stuck in there...starts flaying around until he is tangled. Then he runs away and my blinds end up in pieces. If you look at the front of my house it looks like an abandoned shack....ya know all the blinds dangling from the windows...broken and uneven. You know the Home Owners are lovin my house!

Baxter also loves dining on things that normally a dog would not eat. For example....socks, my kids underwear, any plastic toy, barbie heads, mardi gras beads (and we have a crap load of these as we lived in New Orleans for 5 yrs), paint brushes, rubber hair bands, pads of notebook paper, shoes, flip flops, the bills, bars of soap, tubes of toothpaste and the list goes on and on. The really great thing about Baxter eating all this stuff is that we usually get the pleasure of seeing it again. He either pukes it up or craps it out. Our yard looks hilarious!!! It cracks me up when the kids have to pooper scoop and they yell...I found Sarah's underwear!!! It's so gross but makes for good laughs. The worst though was the time that Baxter must have eaten some undies and a few socks. He had a pretty big belly ache and threw them up out on the back deck. Well I couldn't believe what I saw....no way did the dog just throw up a pair of panties and 2 socks! I went inside to grab a paper towel to pick them up and he freaked out....grab the panties that he had just puked up and ate them again!!!! AHHHHH! It could have been the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen. He pooped them out with a handful of Mardi Gras beads a few days later.

Baxter will also do ANYTHING for a scrap of food. He would go to the end of the Earth just to get a goldfish cracker that the kids drop under the couch. He is always hungry and relintless in his efforts to get stuff. When I load the dishwasher he loves to lick all the plates and bowls....he is just hoping that there is a little something left. One night I am loading the dishwasher, as I do a zillion times a day, and Baxter is just licking away. I finally snapped and yelled at him to get out...I was getting pretty grossed out. He freaked out and jumped back. However, his collar was fricking stuck in the bottom rack and when he flipped out he ripped the entire bottom rack out of the dishwasher and everything in it went flying all over my kitchen. There were broken dishes everywhere! I thought I was going to kill the dog....really kill the dog! He has also gotten his collar stuck in the floor vents....I am sure a crumb from a cookie or a fruit snack fell down in there and the dummy thought that he could get it out. He woke me up one morning when he walked into my bedroom with the floor vent stuck to his collar. I have no idea how long that sucker was on there....but he was just wearing it around like a big piece of bling. SO stupid!

But, Baxter is our dog. I am really not sure that he would be like this if he lived with another family. Nor do I know if any other family could live with him. I think most days that I will kill him....I also get some pretty good laughs from him. You will learn quickly that Baxter is like no other dog. He is part child and part goat....he runs through the neighborhood and makes me look like a jackass chasing him.....he eats everything and is lucky he is not dead. But if it wasn't for him.....our stories would be so boring.....soooo boring!

Let's do this!

So...as the title to this blog says...I have 4 kids and a crazy ass dog. These two things are the things that I have the most to talk about in my life. The reason that I have so much to say about them is because as much as I LOVE my family...they are nuts! This blog is going to serve as the place to write down all of the things that my kids and dog do or say that people are always saying..."you have to write that down....you are writing all this down aren't you" The answer is YES....from this moment on...I am writing them down.
I have been posting on facebook for the past few years. Almost everything that I post is about my kids and dog. Thank god I have at least had that forum to vent to. Everything that I have posted has also been true. Sometimes they are things that you think could happen to no one...but they happen to me. I would like to take all the posts off of my facebook account and put them on here....just so I could show you what I am talking about. Although after a few years of posts...I would be typing for days and I know I don't have the time for that. What I think I will do though is go back and find some of my favorites...that will be FUN!
I also probably need to fill in the blanks....that is let you know about my kids and our dog. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. Sarah Grace is my oldest...she is about to turn 11...in the 6th grade....totally smart and has a mouth like a teenager already. Next is Nate....about to turn 9...3rd grade....sensitive, tendency to be a bit whiney and somedays I question whether it's just his age that makes him a spaz or if I dropped him on his head. But he is a loving kid. Then there is Jake...otherwise know as Dennis the Menace....he is 6. Besides the dog...he is probably the subject of most of my posts. He is smart, wild and can be distracted by shiney objects. He is also a hell of a soccer player. Last of the kids is Josie. She is 4...a princess....a whiner...a Mommy's girl and the world revolves around her. If she wants apple juice and you are taking a dump...she expects you to pinch it off and pour her juice. I swear I am trying to break that....but so far, no luck. Then there is the WORST DOG EVER....Baxter. He is a 10 month old Labradoodle that is the craziest dog in the world. Marley from that movie...may not even hold a candle to Baxter. This dog does nothing that a normal dog does. He might be part goat...we think. He is constantly in trouble but is too goofy to notice. He also has epilepsy...so he gets to stay with us. Who would give away a sick dog....right? Also...if he leaves, I lose a ton of good material.
Well, there you have it. The run down on the gang. Now me and my husband. My name is Amy...I am a thirty something stay at home mom. I have been married to Chris for 14 years....together for 20. We live in choas....so thank goodness we have each other. We are along for the ride....we try and steer most of the time, but have realized that we are an unique group and sometimes it's best just to hang on. I really hope that by posting our "adventures"...people will have a fun time riding with us.
All for tonight!! Next time we start the journey into my own reality show. I will pick out some of the posts for the next time....it will be fun. I promise at least that...FUN!